My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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