she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
