no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
