So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
