If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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