i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
