I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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