Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
