I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
