I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize