Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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