i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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