be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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