it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
