just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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