I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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