Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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