Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
