I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
