Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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