Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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