HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
