Betty ford says i'm here all night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
