I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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