I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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