i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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