Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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