y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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