Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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