you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
