she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
