you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
