This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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