I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm passing your future prison.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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