this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize