Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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