So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
