Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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