Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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