I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said her name was "party"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
