Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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