Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
