yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
