I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
