Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
