My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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