someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
