I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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