I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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