With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
