dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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