Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
