If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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