nut hugger
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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