Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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