Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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