I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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