i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
