If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
