Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
