i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
