I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
