Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
farters have to be the big spoon...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize