i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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