My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
