how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
