i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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