We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
