you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize