I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
