That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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