I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize