so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
