a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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