whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
