alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
