I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
