I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
