I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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