I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
