He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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