is your mom at the bar?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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