I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
