So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
