So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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