UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
