I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
