Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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