Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
