im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
